Losing Control

Okay, well, I don’t know if any of you know, but I love being in contol. Scratch that, I feel it’s absolutely imperative most of the time for me to be in control. Now, I’ve been applying like crazy at WestJet and AirCanada, most of the time in Canadian cities other than K-Town, and it looks as though I might actually get one of the jobs elsewhere. But for the first time in my life, the very first, I don’t feel the need to leave. And I believe that reason would be, or well, I know that reason would be Jake. I have honestly never felt this was about a person before. I just like him so much and I value our time together so much and everything he says and does and is only makes me want to stay beside him forever. Crazy you say, being that it’s only been a little over a month since we started dating? I agree, but nonetheless, it’s there. It doesn’t feel like it’s only been a month anyways seeing as I’ve liked him for almost four years, but still. I feel stupid and embarassed admitting that I like him so much, and I almost don’t want to do it because I don’t want to come off as this obsessed ninny, but I need to say something. I almost wish that it wasn’t as strong and I could just be free and fly off to points beyond, but then I wouldn’t have this amazing gift and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I’m a little worried, no, I’m terrified about the pain that could result from this if Jake were to leave me, but I honestly can’t help it. I’m falling for him.

Serious Relationship

Okay so lol, yesterday Jake came over to my house *sigh* with his beautiful eyes shining out at me from his super fun sun roof, and we went for a hike up into the canyons by my house and made out under a big rocky ledge with the rain drizzling silently beside us. O…M…G… absolutely amazing. But anyways, while we were there, we had a little discussion about how when we first started dating, we both said we didn’t like serious relationships. Then, he said, well, maybe a serious relationship wouldn’t be that bad, and I said, well, it doesn’t have to be a SERIOUS relationship, but I wouldn’t mind a relationship with you. And he smiled his beautiful little smile and said okay. OMG! Jake Catton is my boyfriend, holy f&^%!!!!! Omg, life is good.

Oasis baby

Ooo, on an incredibly exciting once in a lifetime note, I got my Oasis ticket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna see Oasis in august!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Qualification

Okay, so, I applied to work at Fairfield, had my little interview, everything went really well, and I didn’t get the job. Could anyone perhaps tell me why this is? Granted, I did not desperately want it, but still, it could have helped. I just don’t really understand what I’m doing that’s so wrong in all my interviews. It must be my lack of experience, but I mean honestly, how in the world does a person gain applicable experience when no one will hire them? It’s quite the conundrum I must say. Last night was excellent though. I went up in front of those hundreds of people and I never felt more confident. Everything is just so much better now than it was in high school. Instead of not even getting to go to my grad, I was Valedictorian. I mean, could there be a more positive 180? Well, hopefully things will work out with an airline. I really REALLY want to work in the airlines. Hmm, or maybe I should go to Mission Park Travel where they loved me. What to do, what to do…

Craziness in the form of irony manifesting itself in crapiness

So finally, apparently Dawn’s having a party and glory of all glory’s it appeared I’d be able to go. Until a few hours after hearing about it when I talked to Steph and she informed me that it would take place the night of November 9th. Incredibly enough, November 9th is the only night this year I will be flying to Vancouver. Glory hallelujah!

On a happier note…a much, much happier note, I feel like I’m getting my life back.

I really don’t think

that anyone’s going to read this, and I guess that doesn’t really matter. I was just reflecting on the odd series of circumstances that led to this current point in my life, and it got me wondering why in the world any of what happened, happened. Why did I say I did when I didn’t? And why can’t I? What am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to think or feel about it? I know I have to face it all sooner or later, but really, what would be the point? What could possibly be on the other side, if I even make it to the other side? The horrible unbearable weight of the possible consequences is so incredible I don’t think I can take it. I can catch a glimpse every now and then of what it might be like and I just…honestly I can’t imagine. But then, I can’t imagine what is either, much less what could be. So where do I stand, where do I reach out from, what do I look towards? Or really, who?

funny story, true story

So last night at work, I ended the day feeling all proud of myself for having a good night. I locked the door, got in my car…and remembered I’d left the lights on in the store. So, I got out, wondered for a second if my opening the door with a key would send the security system into mass chaos, decided to take the chance, unlocked the door, and set off the siren. I did manage to turn the lights off before getting out, but now I was stuck alone in an empty parking lot, in the rain, with no answer on my phone and a blaring siren in the store. So I burst out laughing. By the time I got around to the front of the store, the siren had stopped, so I picked up my sister and headed for home. The next day, nobody knew a thing. So, yay for me.

Don’t they?

Okay, has anyone ever seen “Boys Don’t Cry” with Hilary Swank? It is an absolutely amazing movie. For those who don’t know, it’s about a young woman in the early ’90’s who feels she should be a man, so she begins cross-dressing and living her life as a man; planning all the while for an eventual sex change surgery. Anyways, being that she likes women, she eventually meets a young woman named Lana, and soon falls in love with her. Quite soon after that, Lana falls in love with “Brandon” too, thinking she is a guy, and the pair decide to run away together. But then, Lana’s friends and family find some things belonging to Brandon and confront him about them, eventually proving that “he’s” a “girl.” Lana says she doesn’t care, and still plans to run away with Brandon, until the unthinkable happens. It’s all based on a true story, and I would strongly encourage anyone with a half open mind and a bit of strength to watch it.

Reasoning

Really, what is it about someone that attracts you to them. Why do we get feelings for certain people? What exactly is a good relationship? Is it one where there’s lots of feelings? Or lots of reason? If it makes sense, is it better than if it makes no sense at all, but there’s definitely…something…there? What really makes a relationship work?

AH&LA

Oh yeah, second honours in a row! I just wrote my exam on resort developement and management for the American Hotel and Lodging Association (AH&LA a.k.a. ahla) course I just completed in class, and I got 93%!!! One more honours certificate closer to getting my dream job!