Moving Along

Well here I am, once again…at work. And once again, the boring pile is growing and I’ve no wish to tackle it…so I thought I’d come here and update everyone on my wonderful life of late.

I’m not sure how many of you know, but Jake and I decided to break off our engagement. We agreed that something wasn’t quite right, and that even if it were, we still wouldn’t be ready; not yet, not at this age. I’m not 100% sure of how I feel about the whole situation, but I am positive that it was the right decision. Now because of the decision to break off our engagement, we decided to fully live our “single” lives and enjoy our youth while we can, so we’re doing something we never really got to try but always wanted to…we’re getting out own places to live.  Now personally, this to me, is one of the hugest highlights of the new plan I’ve almost never had my own room, and the idea of having one now, as long as I want, is so intoxicating I can barely take it

I’d say the engagement update and the moving are probably the largest things in my life right now. Other than that, there are of course, smaller annoyances and issues. However nothing, I’m sure, that should cause too much trouble.

Our time here

I’m sitting here at my desk, working away, plugging through my pile of tasks without so much as a thought in my mind, and I’ve noticed how much of my life is spent in a state of complete detachment. I get up in the morning with no thoughts but the immediate “make toast, brush hair, wash face etc.) I drive to work on nothing but instinct and reflex, then I get through my eight or so hours at work trying not to think about my situation and simply getting the next task done that’s infront of me.  At the end of the day, I find my way home, eat supper, do whatever, then go to sleep…by the time friday rolls around, I begin to come back to myself, but only until about sunday afternoon. By that time, I’ve begun to fade away yet again. This means that I have roughly 2 out of 7 days in a week where I’m actually doing what you might call “living,” and only for about two thirds of the time. The other third of course,  I’m asleep.  So, startlingly, I’ve discovered that I use only about 17% of my life for living…and by “living,” I don’t even mean just having fun; I mean being conscious of my surroundings and enjoying the very fact that I have life within me. Good god, is this not depressing? 17%…Somehow I feel that there has to be a better way to get by in this one, single, fleeting bit of time that we’ve been given…just thought I’d lay that all out.

My life

Well, I’ve noticed it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve updated on here, so I thought I’d start off with an update of my extremely exciting life and hopefully like doing it so much that I’ll actually stick to this for a while

So for starters…for those of you who don’t already know,  Jake and I are engaged Some of you saw it coming from a mile away,  to other’s, it may be a shock haha. Either way, we’re extremely happy and excited, and I can’t believe that what started as a crush in high school is now a life long commitment   Lif’e is mysterious, that much I can say…you never know what’s going to happen. The best thing you can do is listen to your heart.  If it’s telling you to do something, no matter how odd that thing may be (save for perhaps mass murder or worshipping goats) you should go for it with all you have. It just may be God’s plan.

On a more medical front, I recently had Lasik surgery and absolutely love it! The payments for the next X# of years are going to suck, but the freedom and confidence of having 20/20 vision is incomparable. I’d highly reccommend it to anyone who’s ever despised their glasses and doesn’t mind having debt. Honestly, we come into this world naked and with nothing and we leave it the same way…might as well live and love as much as we can while we’re here

In other news, Chad and I have started hanging out and I am astounded at how quickly two people can meet and realize they have so much in common, and discover the ability to talk endlessly for hours, all the while feeling they’ve known each other for years…it’s truly incredible Steph and I have speculated that there’s enough of each of our personalities in Chad that the transition become practically non-existant as we began our individual friendships. Maybe, who knows. All I do know is that it’s wonderful to have a friend like Chad, and I’m exceedingly thankful for everything in my life right now.

Anyways, I’d probably best try to look busy again, as I am in fact still at work…:)

Losing Control

Okay, well, I don’t know if any of you know, but I love being in contol. Scratch that, I feel it’s absolutely imperative most of the time for me to be in control. Now, I’ve been applying like crazy at WestJet and AirCanada, most of the time in Canadian cities other than K-Town, and it looks as though I might actually get one of the jobs elsewhere. But for the first time in my life, the very first, I don’t feel the need to leave. And I believe that reason would be, or well, I know that reason would be Jake. I have honestly never felt this was about a person before. I just like him so much and I value our time together so much and everything he says and does and is only makes me want to stay beside him forever. Crazy you say, being that it’s only been a little over a month since we started dating? I agree, but nonetheless, it’s there. It doesn’t feel like it’s only been a month anyways seeing as I’ve liked him for almost four years, but still. I feel stupid and embarassed admitting that I like him so much, and I almost don’t want to do it because I don’t want to come off as this obsessed ninny, but I need to say something. I almost wish that it wasn’t as strong and I could just be free and fly off to points beyond, but then I wouldn’t have this amazing gift and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I’m a little worried, no, I’m terrified about the pain that could result from this if Jake were to leave me, but I honestly can’t help it. I’m falling for him.

Serious Relationship

Okay so lol, yesterday Jake came over to my house *sigh* with his beautiful eyes shining out at me from his super fun sun roof, and we went for a hike up into the canyons by my house and made out under a big rocky ledge with the rain drizzling silently beside us. O…M…G… absolutely amazing. But anyways, while we were there, we had a little discussion about how when we first started dating, we both said we didn’t like serious relationships. Then, he said, well, maybe a serious relationship wouldn’t be that bad, and I said, well, it doesn’t have to be a SERIOUS relationship, but I wouldn’t mind a relationship with you. And he smiled his beautiful little smile and said okay. OMG! Jake Catton is my boyfriend, holy f&^%!!!!! Omg, life is good.

Oasis baby

Ooo, on an incredibly exciting once in a lifetime note, I got my Oasis ticket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna see Oasis in august!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Qualification

Okay, so, I applied to work at Fairfield, had my little interview, everything went really well, and I didn’t get the job. Could anyone perhaps tell me why this is? Granted, I did not desperately want it, but still, it could have helped. I just don’t really understand what I’m doing that’s so wrong in all my interviews. It must be my lack of experience, but I mean honestly, how in the world does a person gain applicable experience when no one will hire them? It’s quite the conundrum I must say. Last night was excellent though. I went up in front of those hundreds of people and I never felt more confident. Everything is just so much better now than it was in high school. Instead of not even getting to go to my grad, I was Valedictorian. I mean, could there be a more positive 180? Well, hopefully things will work out with an airline. I really REALLY want to work in the airlines. Hmm, or maybe I should go to Mission Park Travel where they loved me. What to do, what to do…

Craziness in the form of irony manifesting itself in crapiness

So finally, apparently Dawn’s having a party and glory of all glory’s it appeared I’d be able to go. Until a few hours after hearing about it when I talked to Steph and she informed me that it would take place the night of November 9th. Incredibly enough, November 9th is the only night this year I will be flying to Vancouver. Glory hallelujah!

On a happier note…a much, much happier note, I feel like I’m getting my life back.

I really don’t think

that anyone’s going to read this, and I guess that doesn’t really matter. I was just reflecting on the odd series of circumstances that led to this current point in my life, and it got me wondering why in the world any of what happened, happened. Why did I say I did when I didn’t? And why can’t I? What am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to think or feel about it? I know I have to face it all sooner or later, but really, what would be the point? What could possibly be on the other side, if I even make it to the other side? The horrible unbearable weight of the possible consequences is so incredible I don’t think I can take it. I can catch a glimpse every now and then of what it might be like and I just…honestly I can’t imagine. But then, I can’t imagine what is either, much less what could be. So where do I stand, where do I reach out from, what do I look towards? Or really, who?

funny story, true story

So last night at work, I ended the day feeling all proud of myself for having a good night. I locked the door, got in my car…and remembered I’d left the lights on in the store. So, I got out, wondered for a second if my opening the door with a key would send the security system into mass chaos, decided to take the chance, unlocked the door, and set off the siren. I did manage to turn the lights off before getting out, but now I was stuck alone in an empty parking lot, in the rain, with no answer on my phone and a blaring siren in the store. So I burst out laughing. By the time I got around to the front of the store, the siren had stopped, so I picked up my sister and headed for home. The next day, nobody knew a thing. So, yay for me.