I really don’t think

that anyone’s going to read this, and I guess that doesn’t really matter. I was just reflecting on the odd series of circumstances that led to this current point in my life, and it got me wondering why in the world any of what happened, happened. Why did I say I did when I didn’t? And why can’t I? What am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to think or feel about it? I know I have to face it all sooner or later, but really, what would be the point? What could possibly be on the other side, if I even make it to the other side? The horrible unbearable weight of the possible consequences is so incredible I don’t think I can take it. I can catch a glimpse every now and then of what it might be like and I just…honestly I can’t imagine. But then, I can’t imagine what is either, much less what could be. So where do I stand, where do I reach out from, what do I look towards? Or really, who?